i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
