Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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