No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
