Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
is it fun? or sober?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
