You're so nebulous sometimes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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