Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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