The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize