K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
