i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
