I accidentally had phone sex last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
