my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
