i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
