The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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