Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
