My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
