So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
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