Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
