Me too!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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