Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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