Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
