Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
