Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My nipple is on Facebook.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
