Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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