she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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