It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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