i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
