Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
