Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
