Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
