You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
