god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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