seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
