I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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