watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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