I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
