I cannot find my penis.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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