So drunk, too bad you don't want this
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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