I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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