Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
