youre lurking in front of me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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