the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
