I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
