3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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