i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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