About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
