In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
