she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
