you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
