Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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