found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
