She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
