He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
