she was so not down for the gang bang
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
